or "How I was thrown over for Jesus Christ"

Jo Ann

I have tried to write this letter since the first of the year. But I have continued to see you. I, being of a weak nature did yield where I swore I would not. I could not but yield, not with any strength but my own. Such has been the nature of our relationship. You have said it yourself, asking me why it was I was calling, why I so easily sought out a sexual relationship with you. My weakness has been made clear.

But I can walk in this weakness no longer. My shame is too great to bear without totally succumbing to its only end: utter darkness and mad loneliness.

See, I am, and have been since the middle of October in 1995, a Christian. I turned away, though, from what I knew to be true some few years ago and have not walked a straight path since. Instead, my road has been perilous and full of fraught, as I wandered ever further from Christ. I am not sure how it happened, but I know that it did not occur overnight. But it stops here, now, tonight.

I will no longer be lead about by the nose, seeking my own satisfaction to the detriment of all that I know is dear and of everlasting value.

I return to Christ.

Please do not try to call me as I will not answer your calls. There is nothing more to be said. This letter bears all of my shame and all of my regret. You now know what the “big secret” was and how I was trying to lead some pathetic double-life. There is and can be no discussion nor compromise. It is over between us.

I regret having deceived you about who I am and Whom I wish to follow. I have behaved most reprehensibly and am deserving of neither mercy nor forgiveness. I will not be so foolish to ask for either from you today, but perhaps one day you may know that it was not my intention to deceive you so grossly.

My actions reflect on Christ, which is my deepest concern, that I have given occasion for His name to be blasphemed. How miserable I have been in my lies. If anything, pity me the more as I am a fool of great proportion. How sweet and dear is He Whom I have daily offended with my lies and willingness to seek my own gratification. May He have mercy on me, a lowly sinner.

You have my deepest regret,

Mark Williams