BIZARRO's topics - tribe.net

tap tap tap

2008-02-04T19:38:50Z

is this thing on?

posted in BIZARRO - 17 replies

Hey what now?

2006-10-26T21:13:33Z

OOMPH!

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

I agreed

2006-10-08T23:46:41Z

And thus begun my career as a drunken marmoset. I was ridiculously successful, except for whe whole "flea cicrus" fiasco

posted in BIZARRO - 5 replies

looking

2005-12-29T16:47:11Z

looking... looking... still looking. Looking

I need two brain cells so I can rub them together and have only been able to find one. Will anyone trade me for one of theirs? I have pistacios.

posted in BIZARRO - 12 replies

Weather Report

2005-11-01T18:45:43Z

Cups are falling over the shins, today, and a flight of bottles is falling. Don't leave home without your box of crackers, or the monkeys will be hard to see.

posted in BIZARRO - 3 replies

ummm

2005-11-01T18:44:44Z

I think I ate it

posted in BIZARRO - 7 replies

- . .- .--. --- -

2005-11-01T18:43:41Z

.. .- -- .- .-.. .. - - .-.. . - . .- .--. --- - --..-- ... .... --- .-. - .- -. -.. ... - --- ..- - --..-- - .... .. ... .. ... -- -.-- .... .- -. -.. .-.. . --..-- - .... .. ... .. ... -- -.-- ... .--. --- ..- - --..-- .-- .... . -. .. --. . - .- .-.. .-.. ... - . .- -- . -.. ..- .--. --..-- .... . .- .-. -- . ... .... --- ..- - --..-- - .. .--. -- . --- ...- . .-. .- -. -.. .--. --- ..- .-. -- . --- ..- - .-.-.-

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

ANTS

2005-07-27T23:27:38Z

Too many things are crawling in my head. I think if I coudl just work the screwdriver in, I can scare them all out. Anyone have a herring?

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

mirror mirror on the wall who is the most bizarre one of them all?

2005-07-20T15:43:48Z

<mirror>:It is is the one who has the ability to transform into a rubber biscuit.

<me>is this biscuit buttermilk?

<mirror>it does not matter. it is made of rubber.

<me> if it was a rubber buttermilk biscuit, it would really narrow the possibilities down. i know person who can turn themselves into a rubber buttermilk biscuit.

<mirror> you lie. i see through your disguise. you are only a mitchell walker the III impersonator. i will never reveal who is the overlord of all that which is phat.

<me>well can you at least tell me who is the purveyor of all that which is fat?

<mirror>yes, but first you must listen to my sad tale. Thousands of years ago before Whitney Houston discovered crack cocaine and in time when midgets were made of ear wax and flew in giant flying porkchops named Mervis.

<me> were they all named Mervis?

<mirror> no they were all collectively known as Mervis. They were individually known as Susan...........................

that was when I learned that all the power of the universe resides in cans of potted meat.

posted in BIZARRO - 13 replies

Dear BiZzaRros

2005-07-12T21:05:18Z

I have just uploaded to the photo section one of my favorite Comix, and in a BIZARRO stylie. Please read and discuss. Or print out and feed to your yak. I would be interested in the results.

posted in BIZARRO - 2 replies

My figments are flailing

2005-07-11T17:56:08Z

structural integrity is out to lunch. fulsome tuna melts are taunting me from the void. what now I cried, but the echo had a faint odor of seaweed. tho the ocean be wigged, the salt is sweet. or perhaps sushi.

posted in BIZARRO - 3 replies

Spleen?

2005-07-11T14:17:40Z

Here spleen! Here spleenie spleen. Come to poppa and I will give you some nice dried squid shreddings. That's a good boy/girl/other.

pet pet.. anyone have a wet nap?

posted in BIZARRO - 17 replies

Thanks Mark!

2005-07-07T20:05:36Z

Thank you to allow me join to the group although I'm gay, satanic, I live in the third world and sometimes use yahoo translator to post messages.

posted in BIZARRO - 12 replies

Ouch!

2005-07-07T18:43:18Z

This grass is pinching my toes!

posted in BIZARRO - 10 replies

Riding the rails of temporal messiness

2005-07-07T00:29:53Z

There once was a time when i could see everything.

I don't mean that metaphorically eaither, i could literally see all things, everywhere, always. It was a bitch and a half let me tell you!

You want some of this bacon? I don't like it all that much myself, I mostly fry it up to get the pan nice and greasy for the eggs and toast. no? ok. Where was I?

Oh yeah, everything.

For about a year about all I could do was watch, and scream. Sleeping was no release then i could see everyones dreams all at once and forever, I was never sure if that was better or worse than being awake.

You sure about the bacon? There is way too much here for me! All right, suit yourself.

Anyway, it's a good thing the human mind isn't wired to store all that, i can't really rmrmber a whole lof of everything, snippets here and there, images, just enough to keep me waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. Screaming.

Look, i'm just going to throw this bacon away if you don't eat it. There you go. Syrup?

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

Monotone meals

2005-05-18T19:12:07Z

I like to eat meals that are all one color. Today I am wearing an orange tshirt and eating kraft macaroni, some carrot sticks and drinking orange juice.

posted in BIZARRO - 3 replies

Several important points

2005-05-16T17:02:39Z

scissors
palindrome
metal fatigue
toads
hot chocolate
pants
littered with bodies
spectacles

Disneyland mint julep
Yield: 24 Servings

Ingredients:

* 3 lb Sugar
* 1 ga Water
* 1 pt Creme de menthe syrup Topping
* 1/2 6-oz can frozen limeade -concentrate
* 1/2 6-oz can frozen lemonade

Instructions:

-concentrate Fresh mint sprigs -- for Garnish Maraschino cherries -- for Garnish Fresh pineapple pieces -- For garnish Combine sugar and water in a large kettle and bring to a boil. Add creme de menthe syrup limeade and lemonade concentrates. Stir and chill. Serve in tall glasses with sprigs of mint maraschino cherries and pineapple pieces if desired. Makes 24 (1-cup) servings.

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

Normal

2005-05-10T19:43:16Z

I look normal, I work in an office 9-5, I eat pizza... and yet people instictively stay away from me.

Do people have bizaarro-radar?

posted in BIZARRO - 6 replies

Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!!

2005-04-10T02:03:28Z

Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!! Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!! Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!! Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!! Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!! Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!! Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!! Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!! Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!! Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!! Ganap!! Gannap!!! Ganap!!! Gannap!!!!!

posted in BIZARRO - 13 replies

My new invention!

2005-04-08T00:43:43Z

I have invented a new advanced VEXray technology. I have found it to be useful in myriad situations, such as just as someone is about to fall asleep. Combined with maniacal laughter there is nothing so satisfying! What would you use it for?

posted in BIZARRO - 3 replies

scwoodily-doot-doot-n-do!

2005-04-08T00:43:00Z

i was walkin'
dow-in by my cat's meow
amongst thuh fibers of a rug
*who's name we do not mention*
when it rained suddenly outside
and began to leak under the door
into the rug whence
the meow floated away
and i clung
to the nearest fiber until
the unearthly flicker from the next room
brought to my attention
a non-reinserted feeding tube story sucking the life out
of a normally vibrant and exceedingly interesting tv lineup
and an achy muscle april fool's dance party ache caused me to
slip from the fiber into the place where the meow had been,
from whence i had come and in the drying light of the tv i was now returned.

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

in the morning

2005-04-07T16:58:56Z

so when you wake up in the morning, and are talking to the voices in you head, do you ever have a few voices that have formed an alliance to bully about the more nonconsentual meanderings of the less desireble voices?

Damn Survivor. Nothing is immune.

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

a poem about shoes

2005-04-04T22:50:01Z

beautiful shoe. How do I love thee?
In a pot with a spider?
No person on earth loves me as my shoe does.
It wakes me up for lunchtime and reads me poems it finds on toothpaste tubes.
Everytime it says "flouride" I make a lil puddle.

Confucious was a shoe, which is a little known fact.
The wisest shoe that ever wrote fortune cookies.
I love cookies. I love a shoe.
bring me cookies, wearing a shoe.

posted in BIZARRO - 8 replies

I submit to you. the reason why you are all evil.

2005-04-03T16:51:13Z

http://www.timecube.com/

posted in BIZARRO - 6 replies

cross referencing tribes

2005-04-01T18:28:43Z

OK OK, but if you were an octopus that could walk on two legs, would you use your power for good, or evil?

http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2005/03/24_octopus.shtml

posted in BIZARRO - 7 replies

Bats

2005-03-24T20:16:26Z

Anyone else want to be a bat when they grow up? Except for the huge nose issue, I am all over it.
I could see at work.
Man at Work: "Hello Vicious! How is your day going?"
Vicious: "Squeeeeeee"

posted in BIZARRO - 5 replies

Rain

2005-03-22T17:54:50Z

So there's this water, you see. It falls from the sky. When you are outside, it falls on you.

Does this annoy anyone else?

posted in BIZARRO - 10 replies

the goal

2005-03-20T18:54:27Z

OK so the goal is to remove the pistacio nut from the shell, as to leave a smily nut clam that you can draw eyes onto. If you break a shell after having affixed an eye onto it, you must execute on can of spam

posted in BIZARRO - 7 replies

Hey Vicious K

2005-03-16T23:37:17Z

You are very familiar are you the re-incarnation of my guinea pig, Carmel? If so, have you seen my other pet Peking Duck?

posted in BIZARRO - 3 replies

there shall be none!!!!!!

2005-03-16T05:15:38Z

THERE SHALL BE NONE!!!!!!!!!!

posted in BIZARRO - 16 replies

biZaRrO MuSIc

2005-03-15T23:38:37Z

What music ibiZaRro favorites???

The Legendary Pink Dots come to mind...

under the table and down in the pit,
with our plastic potatos
and jojo the dove on the spit...
on the spoons you made ribbons
i whistle the blues
my clothes feel mis-used...

my voice is a crack in the tar in the jar
is a tablet they sent in the post
with the pamphlet
(garbled)
take this when the pain gets too much
i confess i feel nothing at all

i'm bored and you're bored
but i loved when you called me the snail
a (?) trail runs behind me i'm guilty
no secrets, you're not such a picture yourself

etc.

posted in BIZARRO - 5 replies

regrets

2005-03-15T23:03:52Z

The one thing I regret about friday is not trading salt vinagar chips for a kiss. I would put money that I could have made the swap from the Kinky Creme girl, but alas, my little brain was not in control at that time when I most needed it...

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

I like you...

2005-03-12T05:57:26Z

I like your cheese...

posted in BIZARRO - 16 replies

little cheese

2005-03-07T17:34:09Z

I was in Italy and there were little white balls of cheese in water.

CHEESE! Why can't we be civilized enough to put our cheese in water?
Someone outta make a law

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

the weird letter

2005-03-04T21:44:08Z

or "How I was thrown over for Jesus Christ"

Jo Ann

I have tried to write this letter since the first of the year. But I have continued to see you. I, being of a weak nature did yield where I swore I would not. I could not but yield, not with any strength but my own. Such has been the nature of our relationship. You have said it yourself, asking me why it was I was calling, why I so easily sought out a sexual relationship with you. My weakness has been made clear.

But I can walk in this weakness no longer. My shame is too great to bear without totally succumbing to its only end: utter darkness and mad loneliness.

See, I am, and have been since the middle of October in 1995, a Christian. I turned away, though, from what I knew to be true some few years ago and have not walked a straight path since. Instead, my road has been perilous and full of fraught, as I wandered ever further from Christ. I am not sure how it happened, but I know that it did not occur overnight. But it stops here, now, tonight.

I will no longer be lead about by the nose, seeking my own satisfaction to the detriment of all that I know is dear and of everlasting value.

I return to Christ.

Please do not try to call me as I will not answer your calls. There is nothing more to be said. This letter bears all of my shame and all of my regret. You now know what the “big secret” was and how I was trying to lead some pathetic double-life. There is and can be no discussion nor compromise. It is over between us.

I regret having deceived you about who I am and Whom I wish to follow. I have behaved most reprehensibly and am deserving of neither mercy nor forgiveness. I will not be so foolish to ask for either from you today, but perhaps one day you may know that it was not my intention to deceive you so grossly.

My actions reflect on Christ, which is my deepest concern, that I have given occasion for His name to be blasphemed. How miserable I have been in my lies. If anything, pity me the more as I am a fool of great proportion. How sweet and dear is He Whom I have daily offended with my lies and willingness to seek my own gratification. May He have mercy on me, a lowly sinner.

You have my deepest regret,

Mark Williams

posted in BIZARRO - 21 replies

Required reading

2005-03-04T16:39:05Z

esalp daerfoorp erofeb I etubirtsid ot eht sessam:

http://www.whatisdeepfried.com/zogg/zogg1.html

posted in BIZARRO - 6 replies

She is ready to make.

2005-02-08T02:36:29Z

Thats not a donkey. Thats a pony!!!!!!

posted in BIZARRO - 2 replies

cheese

2005-01-14T23:00:21Z

its smelly
nice
tastes good
melted
who farted?

posted in BIZARRO - 14 replies

Wintertown

2004-10-21T05:39:27Z

In winter the town all but ceases to be.

a lot of the people pack up their worldly possesions and head south to try their luck in the four cities, few of them ever return. Some take this as a sign that things are better in the cities, that life is not so hard. Most people simply assume that they died there, if they even made it at all.

The houses of those who have left sort of vanish in the months to come, dismantled in the night to provide fuel for the fires that keep the remaining townspeople from freezing.

At first the hunters come back with food, enough for the reduced population, but as the cold gets more intense and the screaming storms set in for weeks at a time the hunters bring back less, if they even come back at all. People start dissapearing, taken in the night to be cooked on the fires that keep the townspeople from freezing.

Then there are no more empty houses, no more hunters, just a few buildings far away from eachother, shuddering in the screaming storms, barely keeping the hungry wind away from the fires that keep the townspeople from freezing, from the vanishing dead who will have no grave.

In the spring the doors will open again. New people will come from the woods to build a town where there is water and laughter and company.

But in winter the town all but ceases to be.

posted in BIZARRO - 2 replies

what to have for dinner....

2004-09-09T04:34:21Z

ok chums. i can't seem to figure out what to have for dinner. help me.

culture of haute?
spaghetti, lots of oregano?
taurine of 80's hits (don't you want me baby, don't you want me ooooooh)?

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

When will it end?

2004-08-31T06:49:54Z

I have in my posession four locked boxes.

The first of these boxes may or may not contain sevveral commemerative figurines depicting the founding of Bakersfield in the 1800s by wandering ant musicians. They are cunningly wrought from older figurines of naked ladies. Each holds a working miniature acordion and their pockets are full of string.

The second box is empty save for a slight lingering odor that might be strawberries or might be the powder that is used to package inner tubes in. This smell reminds me of one summer where I didn't really do very much at all.

The third box is decorated with a tiny reproduction of a mideval tapestry, I'm not sure which one. Inside are a few pieces of broken glass and some sand. I have no idea where either come from and I throw them away often, but whenever I open the box, there they are.

The fourth box is more of a jar really, it's about the same size as the others, but round. It is also a lot heavier, I think it's made of lead covered with felt. It contains a marble, or at least it used to. Opening this box cases the air to get dry and makes my mouth taste like copper and stale crackers. I don't open it very often anymore.

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

Yes...

2004-07-24T03:58:45Z

we have no BIZARRO

posted in BIZARRO - 12 replies

Another tutorial.

2004-07-17T01:48:45Z

Cooter Maturity Tests

The simplest of testing method is to put your cooter in a couple of pots and plant some radish seeds in the cooter. If 3/4 or more of the seed sprout and grow into radishes, then your cooter is ready to use in any application. Radishes are used because they germinate (sprout) and mature quickly. If you want to conduct more scientific tests of your cooter, follow the three simple procedures outlined below.

. Plant germination in extracts of cooter.

. Plant germination in cooter.

. Plant growth in cooter.

Procedures 2 & 3 require less specialized equipment and are "easier" to complete. You may try one or all of these to determine cooter maturity.

Plant germination in extracts of cooter:
This test will help determine if your cooter is "finished." Germination is when a seed sprouts. Immature cooter may contain phytotoxins that will often kill seed embryos. Seeds grown in immature cooter won't sprout or may die immediately after sprouting.
To complete this test, you will need:
A sample of your cooter.
1 paper cup (~ 8 oz.)
½ cup clean water
Cheese cloth
1 eye-dropper
6 clear glasses
Aluminum foil
6 pieces of tissue or paper towel
15 seeds of a fast germinating plant, such as radishes.
Tape, labels, and a marker or pencil

Step 1 - Put ¼ cup of your cooter in the paper cup.
Step 2 - Add the ½ cup of clean water.
Step 3 - Allow mixture to soak for 2 hours, to make a cooter soup.
Step 4 - After 2 hours, filter the cooter soup through cheese cloth and collect the liquid (called filtrate or "cooter tea").
Step 5 - Prepare 6 glasses by putting a piece of tissue or paper towel at the bottom of the glass and adding 5 seeds to each glass.
Step 6 - Place about 20 drops of clean water on the paper in each of 3 glasses (this will be your control to see if there is a problem with your seeds or your cooter). Seal these 3 glasses with aluminum foil and tape. Then label the dishes "control."
Step 7 - Place about 20 drops of cooter tea on the paper in each of the other3 glasses. Seal these 3 glasses with aluminum foil and tape. Then label the dishes "cooter tea."
Step 8 - Keep glasses in a dark place at room temperature (around 80°F (27°C)). Observe and record germination after 24, 48, and 72 hours using the worksheet below.

Interpretation of results - phytotoxins in immature cooter will often kill seed embryos. Compare germination rate in cooter extract liquid to germination rate in the control group. 80% germination rate is considered satisfactory.

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

Of straw they were made and banners of white marked their passage!

2004-07-15T19:21:20Z

Of meat and straw with spiders in the marrow of their bones they were, and a hundred deep and abreast they marched if they were twenty at all!

You may have seen what they did and call yourselves brave, but you din't have to watch 'em do it! Horrible it was, took hours, and all the time that awfull keening in your ears, shook us all to the very center of our bones it did, where for many the spiders would run ere the night was through.

A coward you call me? Aye, I ran, we all ran, no sane man wouldn't! Yes sane! I called myself that then, before I saw the hooks do their work! Before I saw children hoisted aloft on kites, hanging above the earth with only their tendons to keep them there!

The lucky ones fell.

Of straw they were made and banners of white marked their passage!

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

Haiku of Goldilocks

2004-07-08T03:01:08Z

Bears. In the Forest.
Where she should not have done so,
A girl ate, then slept.

posted in BIZARRO - 16 replies

Return of the small round squishy delight magnet!

2004-07-07T19:51:36Z

I have had a revelation friends! In times like these I am nothing but pie when compared to the eternal sweep of majestic purple crayons that are deemed by many to be the apex of form and function. In evolution I am unsurpassed exept by some builders of huts in the frozen west who huddle in fear... but perfect fear gentle readers, fear of a quality and substance that lesser beings can scarecly taste in take out coffee cups with little paper skirts made from the shredded and pulped bodies of a life form we pretend to understand but when compared to water or seen through a prism can only be called late for lunch.

And this brings me to the crux, the very brink, of my point. To lollygag so is a testament to all those who set stone atop muffin and built a very short lived city that I shall call muffinstone. And there dwelt the thousand riders of sesame, for a short while at least untill all were crushed to death.

Weevils are a harsh mistress.

posted in BIZARRO - 0 replies

To all you Vader Haters

2004-05-31T01:16:24Z

This is old, but perfect for a shitty Monday:
http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/af/content/atom_1403

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

bizarro ultimate fighting

2004-05-23T23:05:56Z

How would it work?

posted in BIZARRO - 18 replies

BIZARRO Media

2004-04-09T05:48:50Z

http://www.beam.tv/beamreels/reel_player.php?reel=xqrsqest&reel_file=svCJWbQCJwjq

Will found this. Beautiful and bizarro.

Mark

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

Bizarro vacation

2004-03-19T07:31:22Z

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/29/

posted in BIZARRO - 27 replies

URLs

2004-02-25T01:25:37Z

Hey,

If you find BIZARRO URLs feel compelled to post them here.

Like this:

http://www.eyecandy.plus.com/fshock.mpg

that is all.

posted in BIZARRO - 10 replies

WHAT IS BIZARRO!?

2004-02-18T23:35:45Z

Many have asked that question. One can not be shown BIZARRO, one must experience it for themselves... or you can watch the BIZARRO Sealab 2021 episode that inspired this tribe. I've posted it here:

http://www.zerocrossing.net/movies/Sealab2021Bizarro.mpg

I'm helping YOU.

posted in BIZARRO - 9 replies

Warp Watch Needed

2004-02-12T09:43:33Z

Hello,

I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display. I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003.
Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment:
Payment can be made in Galactic Credits, Platinum gold, or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.

INSTRUCTIONS MUST BE FOLLOWED EXACTLY:
Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Friday August 22nd at (exactly 4:00pm) Eastern Standard Time. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me. Nobody will be at those coordinates prior to 3:45pm EST, (so do not transport before then).

Item is to be delivered at beginning of Lagrange Street in Winchester, Massachusetts which is directly across the street from Stratford Road located at: Latitude N 42.44852 & Longitude W 071.14651 and the Elevation is 90 feet.
WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATION. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!!
I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPYING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT OR BLOCK THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER.
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SEND IT SO THAT THEY CANNOT REDIRECT OR BLOCK IT??? If in doubt do not transport actual unit until your method of transfer can be confirmed as a success. You just might need to send a intergalactic courier to deliver item safely to me.
It is best if you send a intergalactic courier to deliver, this way you can be certain the unit arrives ok, However If you are certain that you have the means to teleport unit in a safe manner please send a (separate) email to me at: webmaster@federalfundingprogram.com only after unit has been safely delivered with payment instructions.

Thanks
Brian Appel

Do not reply directly back to this email as it will only be bounced back to you.

posted in BIZARRO - 9 replies

No Bizzaro for you today.

2004-02-10T23:58:09Z

NONE.

posted in BIZARRO - 21 replies

Bourgeois Klingons fights umpteen quite speedy wart hogs,

2004-02-10T21:33:02Z

One obese wart hog bought umpteen pawnbrokers, although Dan auctioned off two schizophrenic botulisms. One slightly silly Macintosh ran away, but umpteen angst-ridden dogs towed orifices, because the bourgeois mats untangles Batman, even though five fountains fights one mostly progressive dwarf, yet two purple Klingons noisily abused five poisons. One trailer auctioned off Phil, because two obese subways marries umpteen progressive bureaux. Five putrid trailers comfortably fights the pawnbrokers.
Progressive wart hogs laughed, and five purple dwarves gossips, even though two chrysanthemums quickly bought umpteen schizophrenic Macintoshes. Chrysanthemums grew up, but two slightly bourgeois sheep abused schizophrenic Jabberwockies. Five partly obese botulisms perused two wart hogs. The angst-ridden chrysanthemums untangles Paul, even though one Jabberwocky easily abused umpteen schizophrenic wart hogs, and five mostly quixotic trailers tastes the schizophrenic Jabberwocky. Mark marries Santa Claus.
Umpteen fountains telephoned five Jabberwockies. The putrid lampstand tastes Mercury. One Macintosh tickled two chrysanthemums, even though five progressive dogs telephoned umpteen almost purple cats. The trailers drunkenly fights umpteen elephants.
Two extremely obese dwarves easily abused five mostly silly botulisms.
Bourgeois Klingons fights umpteen quite speedy wart hogs, because the progressive botulism sacrificed two very bourgeois Macintoshes, and Batman quite cleverly towed umpteen very purple dwarves, yet Dan abused botulisms, because one subway telephoned five putrid Macintoshes, although Springfield tastes one trailer. The bourgeois Jabberwocky towed dwarves, but Quark marries one ticket, yet two televisions ran away, however five botulisms lamely perused umpteen pawnbrokers. One speedy mat towed five tickets. Two poisons slightly cleverly kisses one bourgeois cat. Two chrysanthemums noisily tastes one mostly progressive bureau. Umpteen aardvarks towed five orifices. Klingons quickly sacrificed five putrid sheep, although the botulism grew up. One almost schizophrenic Klingon telephoned five lampstands. Umpteen irascible trailers laughed cleverly, and two botulisms lamely auctioned off umpteen angst-ridden pawnbrokers, although five very bourgeois Jabberwockies comfortably sacrificed two quite obese Macintoshes, even though Springfield untangles five irascible lampstands, however two wart hogs towed Santa Claus.
Five mats kisses the progressive orifices, although one putrid fountain grew up. Umpteen obese bureaux telephoned the extremely speedy aardvarks, and umpteen schizophrenic poisons laughed.
Kermit noisily telephoned five mostly irascible televisions. One purple ticket grew up. Five putrid dogs very easily tastes one schizophrenic lampstand, yet five slightly obese Jabberwockies kisses umpteen bourgeois fountains, even though quixotic orifices cleverly perused umpteen speedy dogs. Two progressive Jabberwockies ran away. Tokyo perused bourgeois lampstands. The silly Macintosh towed Minnesota, but one very angst-ridden poison grew up almost comfortably, because two bourgeois Macintoshes drunkenly marries one progressive poison, yet Pluto towed five slightly angst-ridden tickets.
Two mats tickled Darin. Umpteen trailers grew up noisily, but one botulism fights five putrid elephants.
Speedy fountains sacrificed five schizophrenic elephants. Fountains towed two poisons.
Quite putrid dwarves abused the mostly schizophrenic elephant, and two bureaux tastes five bourgeois Jabberwockies. Two poisons abused five Macintoshes, although the partly irascible dwarf perused one obese lampstand. Macintoshes fights one elephant. Five lampstands gossips. Umpteen Klingons bought two schizophrenic trailers.
Umpteen poisons grew up, even though five trailers gossips lamely.
Umpteen subways perused two silly Klingons, but umpteen trailers cleverly tickled five mats. Sheep laughed. One irascible dwarf tickled five purple botulisms, then the Macintosh bought dwarves. Five putrid fountains perused progressive dwarves, even though two slightly speedy orifices untangles umpteen almost schizophrenic cats. Partly obese botulisms slightly comfortably towed umpteen pawnbrokers. Almost progressive sheep cleverly auctioned off the extremely bourgeois dwarves. Five angst-ridden Jabberwockies towed one almost irascible botulism, because the bourgeois bureaux untangles two speedy sheep, yet one very schizophrenic trailer bought umpteen botulisms, then two elephants untangles the wart hog, because Mercury comfortably tastes

-----------

Today's Bizarro brough to you by the "jabber" feature in Quark.

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

Tutorial

2004-02-09T05:34:30Z

Penis dimensions will be more important than size. This tutorial will assume you're using 8 1/2 by 11 inch penis but satisfactory results can be obtained using either smaller or larger penises. Remember that thickness is also a dimension of the penis. Smaller penises can be thinner without compromising performance. Larger penises should be thicker in order to hold a stiff enough surface to fly. A large, very thin penis will produce a floppy model.

Sit down at a table with enough space to set your penis down. You want a firm, smooth area to work on. By taking care that the folds are straight and sharp, you'll increase your chances of making a straight-flying model.

For the purposes of this tutorial, let's fold the penis either the long way (the fold extends to the short edges) or the short way (the fold extends to the long edges). These terms should also cover those of us with metric penis or odd-sized penises.

For both models, start with the penis lying the long way. (Hold the penis with the long edges vertical, and then place it on the table.) It's easier to make the folds this way.

posted in BIZARRO - 3 replies

Not yours...

2004-02-09T01:10:47Z

ok.
That Not Your Pony thing just cracks me up.
Every time I see it, I smile more.

posted in BIZARRO - 2 replies

hiyee

2004-02-08T01:39:41Z

I need to organize a league of singing muses! Any volunteers? I think we should woo potential odysseuses (Sp?) Anyways lets sing, dahlings!!

posted in BIZARRO - 5 replies

Ow, My brain!

2004-02-05T06:57:55Z

I think I just got my full dose of Bizarro.
They have turned this:
http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/
into a Quiznos commercial.

posted in BIZARRO - 2 replies

everyone i meet. they're jamming in the street.

2004-02-05T06:49:32Z

i lied to my plants today.

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

Late Notice! Come to Roller disco again!

2004-02-01T02:24:10Z

hey! We're doing roller disco again today! Saturday the 31st. Starts at 9!

posted in BIZARRO - 0 replies

The ultimate final statement in performance art...

2004-01-30T06:54:09Z

In the event of nuclear escalation, I ask you, my friends, to run outside to a paved or cemented area (like the sidewalk), and strike a pose, where in our final moments of life, our shadows will be forever burned into the ground. Make this one last stand FOR ART!

posted in BIZARRO - 3 replies

Russian Roulette for kids!

2004-01-30T06:43:31Z

http://velvet.net/~starchy/img/colors2.jpg

posted in BIZARRO - 2 replies

And now a moment of zen...

2004-01-29T17:13:08Z

http://www.themachine.net/lj/pugs.jpg

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

Can I confess something?

2004-01-29T00:40:43Z

I tell you this as an artist,I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.

posted in BIZARRO - 11 replies

TriBizarro Winter Mixer

2004-01-28T17:34:58Z

So, any of you freaks (besides me & Hedr) going to this? It's hard for just 2 of us to truly Bizarro up the joint.

TribeWinterMixerRSVP.tribe.net

posted in BIZARRO - 7 replies

Muddling through somehow

2004-01-27T00:48:22Z

Muddling, crushing the mint with a small batlike tool, a muddler if you will, chopsticks will work as well, but lack the cool, the elegance of a dedicated device. Much contraversy surrounds the muddling, some like to barely bruise the mint while others want it to look like the plant exploded into a million tiny minty pieces floating gently towards the bottom, in no hurry, just enjoying the ride.

I am of this second school of thought. The mint should be agressivly muddles, the leaf torn apart, the stalk crushed, this is the work of a moment and is well worth it.

The initial muddling typically occurs in nothing but the simple syrup, all other ingredients are added later, I personally prefer to add a final muddling after all ingredients, as well as ice, have been added, for a nice even dispersal of mint particles, tiny dancing flecks of green.

The mint should be fresh, the rum and the soda cold, in the heat of the afternoon nothing seems more important (or less important perhaps, it all blends together) than the slow meandering path of the condensation down the glass, onto your fingers, wiped across your forehead and cheeks.

posted in BIZARRO - 7 replies

statement 1

2004-01-26T22:02:05Z

100% bizarro is getting to be

you know

not so bizarre

i have no solution for this. perhaps we should sleep on it. perhaps we should orchestrate a great production of scales and miniatures. perhaps a board meeting. perhaps a generous helping of herring and geriatric niceties.
bite your lip.

it's delicious.

posted in BIZARRO - 21 replies

The Wisest Words Ever Spoken

2004-01-22T06:24:31Z

The wisest man I ever met was a man named Liu Ling.

I can see him now in his cart pulled by two deer, followed by a couple of servants. One carried enough wine to kill Liu Ling, and teh other carried a spade to bury him on the spot. When I came to call he'd greet me stark naked, and I can still hear him scream:

"The universe is my dwelling place and my house is my only clothes! Why are you entering into my pants?"

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

These are my babies

2004-01-22T06:23:27Z

http://www.agrisupportonline.com/minisheep.htm

Don't be sad Mark, they sprung forth, fully-formed from my loins... clip-clop! And they're smiling! They're smiling at YOU.
But you must be nice to them, otherwise they will bark spiders in your face.

posted in BIZARRO - 10 replies

there's no clam like a razor clam

2004-01-21T10:56:31Z

posted in BIZARRO - 14 replies

Mutants on the streets!

2004-01-16T04:06:15Z

http://42012.com

Extreme transmutation nation baby.

posted in BIZARRO - 20 replies

a BIZARRO mission

2004-01-16T04:01:32Z

Last night, I lost the bead to my nipple ring down the tub drain, your mission is to come over to my house, climb aboard a fully equiped submarine I have designed to navigate household plumbing, and then be shrunk down to fit down the tub drain. I know it's a lot to ask, and that the septic tank is a trecherous place, but I figured I'd find plenty of brave willing souls here.

there will be punch and pie.

who's in?

posted in BIZARRO - 12 replies

Lately I've been feeling...

2004-01-12T20:51:45Z

...a little schizophrenic.

posted in BIZARRO - 10 replies

Thinning the herd

2004-01-12T00:58:02Z

HEAR ME OH BIZARROS!

Our numbers grow strong! But this is not a tribe about numbers, it is a tribe about BIZARRO. If you've just joined BIZARRO to have another tribe on your list, I'm going to boot your ass on off. SO, tell me where the Pro Shop is within the next week or tell me the name of your favorite state bird and you will not suffer the BIZARRO consequences.

I HAVE SPOKEN.

posted in BIZARRO - 52 replies

Ivy is onboard

2004-01-10T06:01:04Z

Everyone, say hi to my sister Ivy.... she has all the bizzaro genes in our family, as I have none... bizarro jeans too, you should SEE what she does to poor pants.
it's criminal.
(it involves too many colors, and sometimes cordoroy- raver freak!)
*wave*

posted in BIZARRO - 6 replies

and so enters Lizabat

2004-01-09T02:13:06Z

> Mark wrote:
> > To join BIZARRO you must write a poem about
> > carpet samples. A BIZARRO POEM!
>
> carpet samples are good carpet samples are neat.
> I like to rub my ass on them, and sometimes even
> my feet.
>

WELCOME

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

Today... Bizzaro for Everyone!

2004-01-08T20:31:36Z

I am sitting here, watching Barney....
and that is all I need to say about that.

posted in BIZARRO - 9 replies

My Bizzaro Poem...

2004-01-08T19:20:10Z

Shoes… I don’t wear shoes!

I wear boots... Big black shiny boots!

Uh huh, that right! Look at em! Feel em!

Get on your fucking knees and lick them! Slower, damn it!

That a boy! Keep up good work like that and I’ll show you my slippers!

- A Boot-Lick-Ku by JD

posted in BIZARRO - 0 replies

Reminds me of the moderator

2004-01-04T08:44:45Z

http://www.maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=real_men

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

disgusting prose (done by a close friend)

2004-01-01T21:10:34Z

A shit begun by a fart. A high-pitched trumpet burst leading the charge, trailed quickly by a band of horrific smells. The rotting beef, decaying barley and malt from yesterday’s celebrations, broccoli crowns now crowning to push themselves from the stomach and intestines and the workhorse schincpter; all in another day’s work.

Another bomb of noise, this one resounding more like a tuba than a trumpet, announces the second act. It is here that the real work begins. The gung-ho first brigade has exited and drowned. Now comes the fight; the push and pull along the dark trail of the anus until this second wave of refuse has been ripped from their cots and dumped overboard. Now, this decay of molten, once a spicy burrito and salsa, lays atop the rest, slowly cascading down, down, down. It will have left the dark passage of the intestines, only to find the even darker passages of the sewer. There, in the melting pot of everyone else, it will die and be reborn again.

Meanwhile, the champion of this exercise turns the page of a magazine and begins the final foray of deposit. Thin shards of resistant poops are pushed out, like ooze being forced from a syringe. There is squeezing and clenching and the puckered hole fatigues from this expansion and retracting. Finally, the elimination is complete. The gut sags heavily from its newfound space and a final spurt of urine signals the conclusion of this episode. The air is warm from the workout and grows thicker as a cheek is lifted to the side for wiping. The gases seep out into this vacant space as swabs of tissue scrape brown onto white.

In the end, the artist stands and gazes at his masterpiece, now mostly hidden by jellyfish-like white clouds of toilet paper. The seat shows beads of moisture from the work. The toilet lever is depressed and the artist waits in anticipation to see if all will swirl and vanish, replaced by new water, a new canvas. This done, there is a final stop at the mirror above the sink. Hands are washed, but only as an excuse to look into the mirror. It is a final look at the artist in mastery.

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

Welcome BIZARRO Keith

2003-12-31T22:43:47Z

Once upon a time a little boy named Keith sat on his pappy's lap and said, "Daddy, one day when I grow up I want to make fake teeth just like uncle Vevi." His pappy beat him about the eyes, chest, limbs and buttocks and said, "NO CHILD OF MINE WILL PROPAGATE THE LIES OF THE TOOTHLESS!" and little Keith went out into the world to seek his fortune as a swimsuit model. Twenty long years went by when he realized that salting giant doughy "pretzels" at the mall was not going to get him on the cover of Cat Fancy magazine so he got a gun and took out everyone he thought resembled Calista Flockhart. "Take that scumbag!" he'd yell and until this day it's a holiday tradition in Weehawken, NJ.

posted in BIZARRO - 6 replies

Smash it up!

2003-12-31T21:47:46Z

http://www.viplt.ne.jp/midopure/swf/jbi_ee.html

posted in BIZARRO - 2 replies

Hey you <points>

2003-12-31T14:15:38Z

Yeah, you...wha'cha got in your pockets?

Me, a wallet.

posted in BIZARRO - 32 replies

the languaging of bizarroness

2003-12-28T08:04:02Z

i have noticed, we of the bizarro clan are having the strangeness of the vocabulary. besides the addingness of the suffixes, 'ing' and 'ness' let us be discussing our particulars of our bizarro language... we're only a few steps away from our own newspeak. then we shall intimidate all others with our fancy sounding talk and supremacy will be ours!

posted in BIZARRO - 7 replies

Have you noticed...

2003-12-23T23:34:18Z

the themed ads hosted by Google ad server to the right and how they try to fit with the Bizarro post?

posted in BIZARRO - 7 replies

Thought for the day 3

2003-12-18T17:18:13Z

Usually you learn your lesson, but you don't always remember it.

posted in BIZARRO - 14 replies

bizarro behavior!!

2003-12-08T19:02:03Z

If you want to recieve a christmas card (completeley Bizarro!) post your mailing address and I will try to get it done this year!
completeley bizarro I tell you!

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

Olivia Newton John is bizarro

2003-12-06T04:29:28Z

23:09 <hedr> they are playing Xanadu on tivo
23:09 <hedr> I've never seen it before... it's incredibly bed
23:09 <hedr> er, bAd
23:09 <hedr> i can't seem to pull my eyes away
23:26 <hedr> every single thing about this movie is bizarre
00:00 <noah> what's it about? I assume it's not about the mongolian empires
23:27 <hedr> it is uninteresting in every way
23:27 <hedr> it's about a muse that comes to life from a grafitti painting, and inspires this guy
23:27 <hedr> ...to dance with her in roller skates
23:27 <hedr> so far anyway
23:28 <hedr> i bet if I were stoned, this movie....would still be lame
23:28 <hedr> it's like a fantasy movie for 13 year old girls
23:28 <hedr> argh
23:28 <hedr> and yet...
23:28 <hedr> still watching
23:28 <hedr> :)
00:00 <noah> no one can resist the appeal of ONJ
00:00 <noah> after grease, she was secreted away in a government laboratory.
00:00 <noah> this is why no one has seen or heard from her since the early-80s
00:00 <noah> australia was going to sell her to the soviet union as the ultimate weapon... then the soviet union collapsed. Rumors are that she was smuggled into pakistan.
00:00 <noah> you're not buying this, are you
00:00 <noah> and yet the evidence is right before you! can you not SEE from this movie how insidious she is?
00:00 <noah> can you not HEAR her siren call?
23:32 <hedr> i am in shock
23:32 <hedr> Gene Kelly is in this
23:32 <hedr> I feel so bad for him
23:35 <hedr> people are writhing around in disco clothes now

posted in BIZARRO - 11 replies

lunch

2003-12-05T06:48:16Z

Being new to this Tribe I wonder does everyone eat like the leader? He ate the same fucking soy burger with heinz ketchup everyday I have known him. If it wernt for his hot wife and snappy long pants that can become shorts in two zips I would have banished him from my list of excellence.

m

posted in BIZARRO - 12 replies

live! nude! deconstructed!

2003-12-01T19:56:01Z

What goes on in the mind of someone participating in a BIZARRO exchange? lunch, mostly. See the URL for details.
http://www.babymeat.com/~dogcow/writings/doin.html

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

God

2003-11-30T22:17:28Z

God's girlfriend is named Karen

posted in BIZARRO - 30 replies

Does somebody owe you money (fdav)

2003-11-30T21:50:20Z

Best spam ever:

After terror attack, Islamic government finds itself compelled to battle
Islamic bombers. AUDIOboy, young writer S.E. Hinton chose to write books
about the leather-jacketed youth of her hometown, Tulsa, Okla. "The
Outsiders," directed by auteur Francis Ford," directed by auteur Francis
Ford Coppola (who would later make "Rumble Fish," also from a Hinton
book) is the first of its kind, in which sensitive greasers Ponyboy (C.
Thomas Howell) and Johnny (Ralph Macchio) run from the law after the
accidental death of a rival gang member. Lovingly filmed, wonderfully
corny and dreamily cast, "The Outsiders" would become a favorite of
pre-pubescent girls and rebellious boys alike. The film is also
noteworthy for jump-front of "Old Yeller" and watch him weep. Guaranteed.
The five-Kleenex standby remains one of Disney's best live-action films
and a classic of its genre. The sweet yellow dog of the title becomes
best of friends with teenage boy Tommy Kirk whom Yeller spends most
[IMAGE] Is it possible to find a kid, or anyone for that matter, who
doesn't like Dr. Seuss' incomparable "The Cat in the Hat"? Not likely.
Our favorite kiddie books hold a special place in our memories, which is
why the big-screen adaptation of the Doc's famous book is being met with
so much excitement.
Yes, this was a book before it was a movie, and a popular one at that.
We've just been so charmed by memories of a teenage Jodie Foster playing
soccer, water skiing and (gasp!) smoking, we forgot the source material
-- Mary Rodger's book.
Cli ck he re to st op fur ther mess ages The Los Angeles Film Critics on
Saturday picked ÿFFFF93About Schmidt,ÿFFFF94 the drama starring Jack
Nicholson, as the yearÿFFFF92s top movie, splitting the two major
criticsÿFFFF92 awards so far as the 2002 Hollywood movie awards season
heads into a pivotal week with more honors ahead. Nov. 21 ÿFFFF97 After
months of silence and a week of hopeful half-truths, Japanese space
officials have finally confirmed that their Mars-bound Nozomi probe is
teetering on the brink of failure in its five-year quest to explore the
Red Planet. DURING THIS VOYAGE, Nozomi became the first space vehicle to
make an Earth-Mars-Earth round trip after navigation and power problems
thwarted mission managersÿFFFF92 original plans. Ingenious flight
planning and fine-tuned space navigation gave the probe an unprecedented
second chance to reach Mars

posted in BIZARRO - 6 replies

Moxy/moxie

2003-11-28T18:36:02Z

How do you spell Moxy? Moxie?
All I know is Mark S has Moxy/moxie.
He is the real deal!

posted in BIZARRO - 12 replies

ACID wants to join our ranks

2003-11-28T18:32:51Z

HELLO BIZARROS! I come to you because I have a request of an OUTSIDER to join our ranks.

Initally, I thought BIZARRO would be a tribe just for THE INNER CIRCLE (you know who you are) but OTHERS have joined our ranks. Seems good to me (perhaps a Marklar channel that's private might be good to post local stuff we're planning?)

Anyway, I loved how the Pie Poem test went. Should we do it again? Perhaps choose another topic? Yogurt? Ice sculptures?

posted in BIZARRO - 15 replies

White board meetings died today

2003-11-28T18:30:58Z

Please give a moment of silence to the end of the whiteboard meeting. - It is over, face it.

posted in BIZARRO - 4 replies

day of turkey slaughter

2003-11-28T07:34:44Z

what are people's plans for thanksgiving this year? anyone? bueller?

I'd be willing to put up a turkey if anyone is interested in hanging out in alameda that day...

posted in BIZARRO - 38 replies

PS: FUCK YOUR CARPET

2003-11-28T07:31:13Z

WELCOME HAYWIRE?!?!

Her winning poem:

The beans and cats were playing catch
Their giant purple eggs did hatch
Thus felt thy chicken flapping wings
Of BIZARRO! BIZARRO! sexy kings
The thrones will shake their asses, dude
Don't have a nasty attitude
For when the walls come crashing down
You're forced to wear a silver gown
Beans and cats and cats and beans
They look a lot like cabbage greens
And then I farted

posted in BIZARRO - 1 reply

bizarro me...

2003-11-28T07:16:37Z

bizarro me...

...does not like salty black licorice from europe
...takes the raisins out of her rice pudding
...believes that "au natural" is the best hair color
...loves patchouli
...has the patience of Job (that bible guy)
...loves gardenia, magnolia and Nag Champa
...hates bad horror movies, loved Practical Magic
...gets annoyed when it's brisk and cold on her morning walks to work
...never sacrifices sleep for reruns of "Freddy's Nightmares" or W"ill and Grace"

posted in BIZARRO - 9 replies

Thought for the day 2

2003-11-23T12:52:41Z

If you can't name it, scrape it off your pizza.
Also,
It's not really giving if you give away the animal crackers with missing heads and feet.

posted in BIZARRO - 12 replies